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TTT becomes TTCT, declares impending curfew in Pittsburgh

We have all shorn our beards...
 
PITTSBURGH (AP) Several seminal announcements in the war against terror were announced today, as the organization formally known as TTT (if you need to ask, you probably don't need to know what TTT used to stand for) declared a major face-lift, including a name and image change. The implementation of the changes have reportedly been contracted to a well-known consulting firm.
 
"We needed to be more in tune with the times." declared Curly, a leading member of the organization, known previously as al-Said bin-Muftaillahaltemin (translation: Minister of Women's Affairs). "We discarded the outdated headgear, shredded our Che shirts, toned down the rhetoric; and all of us, including Dilek, have shorn our beards. We are now proud to be the Turkish Techno Counter-Terrorists!" 
 
As part of their new mandate, the TTCT will be holding a major counter-terror ops exercise in Pittsburgh this Saturday, during Memorial day Weekend. Ex-TTT members from all over the country will be airlifted in on black helicopters specifically for this event. A strong turnout is expected, despite the loss of several members of the crack TTT team to unspecified "duties overseas".
 
According to TTCT officials, this will not be like any other counter-terror activity that one may find in towns across the USA.
 
"We could concentrate on the usual: house-to-house searches, screening suspects, interrogation techniques, holding suspicious looking towelheads, I mean Ay-rabs, in custody, bladi blah" said the spokeswoman Dilek, stroking her newly shorn chin. "But we instead concentrate on the fun factor, the human side, you know. Besides, being Turks, we felt like we had to live up to our image. But that does not mean we will waver from our determined fight against eveil. We suspect everybody - we are in possession of proof that even an innocent kitten could be a dangerous suspect." 
 
The event's rules, err,  highlights will include:
  • Curfew will be in place throughout the town on Saturday night. Residents moving about without proper IDs or  with suspicious intentions will first be shot, then searched. Just kidding - only the so-called "committee" members will be subjected to this rule. Har har!
    • Everybody else is invited to the counterops centre recently established at the new TTCT headquarters!
    • ADDRESS: 1243 Resaca Pl. Pitt PA 15212
    • TIME: SATURDAY NIGHT PARTY TIME, which translates to ANY TIME!
Also at the TTCT HQ:
  • You will be exposed to a variety of popular counter-terrorist techniques such as how to spot Muslim extremist men on the dancefloor and how to avoid undesirable international commitments by tearing already signed treaties up to use as napkins at the drinks table!
  • Workshops on spotting stupid conspiracy theories, help in avoiding evil, undesirable UN resolutions, and MORE! 
  • FREE AT THE DOOR! One collectible, highly desirable card (removed dead link to Freedom GI card) which will be sure to make the children happy.
  • We ask that guests do not bring any sharp or dangerous items such as cattle prods, martial arts devices, ice picks and swords to the event. All such items will be screened for at the door and may be confiscated.
Asked whether their choice of consulting firms had anything to do with the copious funds donated by ex-TTT officials into various leading politicians' campaigns, TTCT's head of sniper division Zeyno said "Women and children? It's easy; you don't need to lead them as much!"
 
For the TTCT
M.

Cambridge, 19 May 2002

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Copyleft notice: Copyright (C) 1999-2005 Mustafa Ünlü. This information is free; you can redistribute it and/or modify it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by the Free Software Foundation; either version 2 of the License, or (at your option) any later version.

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